


V O I C E M A I L S

by TerresDeBrume



Series: AUs without a cause [31]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Canon, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Texting, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerresDeBrume/pseuds/TerresDeBrume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which accidentally calling an unknown number sometimes leads to very nice things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	V O I C E M A I L S

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a response to a [prompt](http://fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment.tumblr.com/post/91997390823/story-prompt-voicemail) by [fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment](http://fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment.tumblr.com) which called for a story entirely in voicemail. I cheated a little because there are text messages in there, too, but at least I resisted the tentation of inserting background sound between brackets... go me ;)  
> The fic is also inspired by that time[particlenumber13](http://particlenumber13.tumblr.com) and I wondered what the Lightwoods' lives would have been if Robert & Maryse had been exiled... it was fun to do, anyway, if tricky to insert informations into the messages x)

 

> **#1: Voicemail.**  
>  **Dated: July 15 th 2007. 11:26AM -US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Male Voice and Female Voice.  
> ** **To: A number with a bullshit area code.**

**Male voice:**  “A thousand miles seem pretty far, but they’ve got trains and planes and cars, I’d walk to you if I had no other way… our friends would all make fun of us, and we’ll just laugh along because we know none of them ever felt this _—who are you calling?_ ”

 **Female voice:**  “ _No one, my battery’s dead, remember?_ ”

 **Male voice:** _“I know that. Who are you calling with my phone?”_

 **Female voic** **e:**  “ _Uh… I don’t know. Must have hit the keys without realizing._ ”

 **Male voice:** “ _Well cut the call, I don’t want a complete stranger listening in to our conversation._ ”

 **Female voice:**  “ _Is that the truth or are you just embarrassed someone might hear you sing without the rest of the Choir to cover you up? ‘Cause there’s nothing in your voice to be embarrassed of._ ”

 **Male voice:**  “ _Isabelle, I’m flattered you insist on thinking I have any talent at all but I really don’t want you to trick me into an audition or anything!_ ”

 **Isabelle:**  “ _Don’t be ridiculous, if I really wanted to trick you into calling someone I’d pick a hot guy you could date, not a weird-ass number with a bullshit area code._ ”

 **Male voice:**  “ _Aman tanrim, Isabelle, cut the call! I don’t need_ _a b_ _oyfriend just now!_ ”

 **Isabelle:**  “ _You’re right, you don’t need one, but if getting a date can help you feel better I’m not above playing matchmaker! Damnit Alec, you can’t blame me for—_ ”

 

 

> **#2: Voicemail.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 9:00AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: The number with a bullshit area code.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

**Male voice:**  “Hi Alec… This is the owner of the number with a so-called bullshit area code. Which, by the way, is just as really really old number. Anyway, I hope you understand English because I’m okay having friends translate the voicemails I get, but I don’t know if you are so… probably not the best option. Anyway, it might sound odd, but I just wanted to say I agree with your friend Isabelle. You have a good voice, and the way you sung that song was very soulful, in my opinion. I don’t know what you’re feeling bad about these days but uh… I guess I just wanted to tell you that your singing abilities shouldn’t be a part of it. You do sing well. So well, in fact—”

 **Female voice:**  “Oh my God Magnus, I said no! Ragnor, tell him it’s a bad idea!”

 **Ragnor:**  “He’s an adult. So long as the kid is legal and consenting he can do whatever he wants with him.”

 **Magnus:** “ … So those were my friends and I deeply, deeply apologize for them. And for the record, I was going to offer to take you for coffee, not a date. I mean, if you’re okay with a blind date I can’t say I’d mind but on the whole… just coffee. So uh… shit, where did I—”

 **Male voice #2:**  “It’s on the coffee table, next to Ragnor’s feet.”

 **Ragnor:** “’ _Beni arayın_.’”

 **Magnus:** “Ah, yeah— _beni arayın_? If you’re okay with this, of course.”

 **Male voice #2:** “You know it’s a lot less romantic if you have to read off your notes to say it.”

 **Magnus:**  “Eat my shorts, Raphael, not everybody speaks Turkish okay?”

 

 

> **#3: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 9:30AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor.**

“Gorgeous Voice not responding. Need 2gift Raph w spray tan soon.”

 

 

> **#4: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 9:31AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“B patient maybe he needs 2 have ur mail translated 2. - Cat.”

 

 

> **#5: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 9:32AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor.**

“Since when are u 2 back 2gether?”

 

 

> **#6: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 10:03AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Isaac.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

“Eat my shorts? Srsly? Guy must be 30 or smth. Don’t take him on a date.”

 

 

> **#7: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25 th 2007. 10:04AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Alec.  
> ** **To: Isaac.**

“Who cares if he’s 30? He pointedly said it wasn’t a date and Alec needs the change of air. -Izzy.”

 

 

> **#8: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 25** **th** **2007\. 10:05AM – US Pacific Time.  
> ** **From: Sarah.  
> ** **To: Isabelle.**

“Idk I agree w u but also w Isaac. Alec’s big enough 2 get himself a bf. U should focus on his meds. U guys still on 4brunch?”

 

 

> **#9: Voicemail.**  
>  **Dated: July 26 th 2007. 2:00PM – US Pacific Time  
> ** **From: Alec.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

**Alec:**  “ _—answers?”_

 **Isabelle:**  “ _Alec it’s five P.M. In New York, the guy’s probably—wait, the line’s not ringing anymore… shit, it’s his answering machine! Quick, take the phone!_ ”

 **Alec:**  “ _What the—_ uh—hi _! -No, Skip, dow_ _n!_  Uhm, hi **.** Sorry about that I… erm. I’m not very good with phones. Anyway, uh… I’m… really flattered by your message but uh… I’ve looked your number up because it made me curious and I saw you were from New York and uh… you are aware that I live in Oregon, right?”

 **Boy voice** : “ _Mom says you guys have to get ready or Dad’s going to be annoyed that we’re making him wait again._ ”

 **Isabelle:**  “ _Get out Joseph, Alec’s on the phone, we’ll come down in a sec._ ”

 **Joseph:**  “ _Who’s he phoning?_ ”

 **Isabelle:**  “ _Jo, get out!_ ”

 **Alec:**  “ _It’s okay, I’m almost done here, go with him… and take Skip with you please._ ”

 **Isabelle:**  “Alec…”

 **Alec:**  “ _It’s two minutes alone, I can handle it, promise._   _Go!_  … Erm, sorry about that—anyway, that’s… pretty much what I wanted to say. Coffee is… not really an option. But I guess… we can still call? I mean, if you want to?”

 

 

> **#10: Voicemail.**  
>  **Dated: July 27 th 2007. 12:30PM – Oregon Time (3:00PM – New York Time)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

**Magnus:**  “—shut up you—hey! Hello Alec, it’s Magnus. Don’t mind the hysterical laughter—my friends are noisy assholes.”

 **Ragnor:** “Come on, even you’ve got to admit it’s funny.”

 **Raphael:**  “This kind of drama is the main reason why I keep visiting you, you know.”

 **Magnus:**  “Bite me, Raphael.”

 **Raphael:**  “Ugh, no thank you! I’m disgusted just thinking of it.”

 **Magnus:**  “Alright since you guys obviously can’t stay put I’m just going to move out of this room. Just a minute… there. God bless locked bathroom doors. Anyway I uh… I genuinely didn’t notice your area code… I hope calling me doesn’t cost too much? I can’t remember if there’s fees for long distance calls. Also I wanted to ask… does the fact that you offered to call again mean you’d have agreed to a coffee date? Because if yes that’s going to be something we’ll need to add to our to do list. Anyway, I figure if we’re going to do this, we might as well do it properly so… what’s your favorite movie? Personally, I’m a big fan of romantic flicks…  _Sleepless in Seattle_ ,  _An affair to remember_ ,  _Valentine’s day_ , that kind of things. My favorite smell is Sandalwood, and my native tongue is Balinese. So… what about you? You can text me if you’d prefer, or we could agree that I won’t pick up your calls until you feel okay actually talking to me? What do you prefer? … Ah, they’re banging on the door so I’ll have to leave. Well… have a nice day then. Bye.”

 

 

> **#11: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July** **30** **th** **2007\. 6:04PM – Oregon Time.  
> ** **From: Isabelle.  
> ** **To: Isaac, Sarah, Moise.**

“Need help dealing w Jo or hell tell mom & dad about Alec & his faraway bf.”

 

 

> **#12: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: July 30 th 2007\. 6:05PM – Oregon Time.  
> ** **From: Moise.  
> ** **To: Isabelle, Sarah, Isaac.**

“Would offer 2take him w me for a while but Mom told me about the Clave calling. Be in NY 2morrow 4lunch.”

 

 

> **#13: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 9:00AM – Oregon Time.  
> ** **From: Sarah.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

“Where r u? Hodge Starkweather called ur mom & she looks like she’s about 2 Xplode. Leave the FBF alone.”

 

 

> **#14: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 12:01PM – New York Time (9:01AM – Oregon Time.)  
> ** **From: Moise.  
> ** **To: Alec, Isabelle.**

“Didn’t uncle Robert say his parabatai died B4 u guys were exiled?”

 

 

> **#15: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 12:01PM – New York Time (9:01AM – Oregon Time.)  
> ** **From: Moise.  
> ** **To: Alec, Isabelle.**

“BC there’s a Jace Wayland here who says his dad died when he was 10…”

 

> **#16: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 3:45PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Catarina.  
> ** **To: Ragnor, Raphael.**

“Any news from Magnus? He’s been AWOL for days & w Morgenstern back im worried.”

 

> **#17: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 3:46PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Raphael, Catarina.**

“Nothing, but theres been weird news from Idris I think ill go investigate soon. Keep tabs on Mag 4 me?”

 

 

> **#18: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 3:47PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Raphael.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Ragnor.**

“Will do if possible. Have problems 2deal with 2. Dogs been killing my vamps & I need 2make it stop.”

 

 

> **#19: Voicemail.**  
>  **Dated: August 1 st 2007. 9:15PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Alec.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

**Alec:**  “Hi, it’s me… I was—I was actually hoping you’d pick up this time, believe it or not… hope you’re enjoying Tanzania. I’ve just watched  _Gone with the wind_ … You were right, it is nice, but I’ll want to read the book before I decide if I really like the movie. Also, I’ll be in New York for the foreseeable future –something’s come up with school friends of my parents’ and the whole family had to come along so… here I am. So I guess… if you still want that coffee, maybe we could arrange to meet? If you haven’t grown bored with me, that is. I need to go walk my dog now, but call me when you come back from your trip? I’ll cross my fingers to stay until then.”

 

 

> **#20: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 3 rd 2007. 6:29PM – New York Time. (Aug. 4th, 00:29AM – Idris Time)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor, Catarina, Raphael.**

“GV IS IN NY AND HE WANTS A DATE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!”

 

 

> **#21: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 3 rd 2007. 6:30PM – New York Time. (Aug. 4th, 00:30 – Idris Time)  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“I was sleeping u lovesick glitterball!!!”

 

 

> **#22: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 3 rd 2007. 6:30PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Catarina.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“What flavors of condoms do u want?”

 

 

> **#23: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 3 rd 2007. 6:30PM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Raphael.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“I think Camille might b trying to make a come back.”

 

 

> **#24: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 3 rd 2007. 6:31PM – New York Time. (Aug. 4th, 00:31 – Idris Time)  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“MAKE SURE HE’S LEGAL.”

 

 

> **#25: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:25AM – New York Time. (4:25PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor, Catarina, Raphael.**

“Clave calling exilees back. Smells like disaster. Lightwood son v handsome tho”

 

 

> **#26: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:50AM – New York Time. (4:50PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

“Would love 2go 4coffee. Kinda caught up 2 these days tho. Call u after boring work thing?”

 

 

> **#27: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:51AM – New York Time. (4:51PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor, Catarina, Raphael.**

“HOLY SHIT I TEXTED GV & LIGHWOOD SON’S PHONE RANG. DISTURBING. @_@”

 

 

> **#28: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:51AM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Alec.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“Sure. Am w parents… extremist past is resurfacing. Awkward.”

 

 

> **#29: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:53AM – New York Time. (4:53PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor,**   **Catarina, Raphael.**

“GV backstory disturbingly parallel to Lightwood backstory. + as it develops.”

 

 

> **#30: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:54AM – New York Time. (4:54PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Catarina**.  
>  **To: Magnus, Ragnor, Raphael.**

“10bucks GV turns out 2be Lightwood son.”

 

 

> **#31: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:54AM – New York Time. (4:54PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Raphael.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Magnus, Ragnor.**

“Pls b wrong I’ve had enough of him whining bout Nephilims 4 the rest of my life”

 

 

> **#32: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:54AM – New York Time. (4:54PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor.**

“Ur a bunch of assholes.”

 

 

> **#33: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:56AM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Alec.**

“Gonna sound weird but can u pls blink twice?”

 

 

> **#34: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:57AM – New York Time. (4:57PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Ragnor, Raphael.**

“HOLY FUCK GV IS ALSO LIGHTWOOD SON!!!!”

 

 

> **#35: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:58AM – New York Time. (4:58PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Catarina.  
> ** **To: Magnus, Ragnor, Raphael.**

“Called it.”

 

 

> **#36: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:58AM – New York Time. (4:58PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Raphael.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Magnus, Ragnor.**

“Hes gonna fuck the Lightwood kid.”

 

 

> **#37: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 4 th 2007. 9:59AM – New York Time. (4:59PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Magnus, Raphael.**

“DON’T FUCK THE LIGHTWOOD KID.”

 

 

> **#38: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 6 th 2007. 4:30PM – New York Time (10:30PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Catarina, Ragnor, Raphael.**

“ <(^-^<) V(^-^)V (>^-^)>

OFFICIALLY DATING THE LIGHTWOOD SON!

<(^-^<) V(^-^)V (>^-^)> ”

 

 

> **#39: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 6 th 2007. 5:10PM – New York Time (11:10PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“Are u planning ur wedding yet? Dork. êUê”

 

 

> **#40: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 6 th 2007. 5:11PM – New York Time (11:11PM – Idris Time.)  
> ** **From: Ragnor.  
> ** **To: Magnus.**

“Congrats u big softy. Hope he’s worth it. ;) ”

 

 

> **#41: Text Message.**  
>  **Dated: August 6 th 2014. 7:00AM – New York Time.  
> ** **From: Magnus.  
> ** **To: Ragnor.**

“Fuck u u greenblooded hobgoblin. Im marrying the Lightwood son. Hope ur calling me a dork wherever u are.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **Disclaimers:**  Texts #36 & #37 are unapologetically inspired by/taken from [this post](http://terresdebrume.tumblr.com/post/87979642930/me-and-morgan-watching-maleficent-crow-dude), which I keep laughing/snorting at every time I read it.  
> I also stole a line/nickname from the Star Trek remake, because I like Leonard McCoy a lot. If you find it, you get a free [headcanon](http://terresdebrume.tumblr.com/tagged/headcanon) for the fandom/pairing of your choice ;)
> 
> And finally, the song Alec is singing at the beginning of the fic is _Hey there Delilah_ by The Plain White T's, which was among the top single in the US box office of 2007.
> 
>  
> 
> **Kudos & reviews make me want to keep writing ;)**


End file.
